You are at a party and out of nowhere someone is standing close to you. Like a genie, they keep turning up, close by, catching your gaze. You go and chat and they stand in the same position as you, playing with their hair, laughing with you and holding your gaze. This person likes you and is flirting. How do you know? Because without realizing it, you are an expert in flirting and body language.
What would dating be without flirting. Flirting is fabulous, flirting is fun, flirting is giving out signals that we may be interested in someone, or we may be pretending. But within reason, flirting is part and parcel of our daily lives. Flirting can be harmful when it threatens fidelity but it can also be sexy and bring people closer together. Some people are good at flirting and some people hopeless.
Are you a flirt? If you are you know it and are secretly proud of the fact. It is sexy when you flirt and people like it. Flirting means giving people attention, it means, smiling, touching, whispering. In the right circumstances it is a powerful tool especially against the unwary. In the wrong circumstances it will get you fired. There is a gulf between flirting and unwanted sexual advances so beware.
It is useful to look at some of the key indicators of flirting and they can prove extremely useful when working out if the person across the table from you is interested. The one to keep your eye on the most is "mirroring". Mirroring is when someone copies your body movements whilst retaining eye contact. Its is one of the biggest giveaways there is.
Eye Contact
* Pupils are dilated and eye contact is maintained
* Eye contact combined with an arched eye brow
* Any form of winking
* Rapid eye movement and blinking
* Eye contact where the gaze is held longer than usual. Men normally look away.
Hair and Mouth
* Playing with hair in a stroking or toying motion
* Eye contact whilst playing with hair
* Touching your hair at any time
* Lots of smiling, open mouthed and teeth flashing
* Lip licking
* Puckering lips in a simulated kiss form
* Any form of touch of the lips or teeth with tongue
Body Movement
* The thrusting of chest or breasts outwards whilst holding your gaze
* The copying of your posture - mirroring
* Holding your gaze whilst moving to music
* Using a posture with legs crossed towards you
* Leaning in towards you whilst holding your gaze
* Open legged posture facing you
* The display of flesh of arm or thigh
Touching
* They will want to touch you and will reach out to do so with some excuse
* They will offer to place food in your mouth as if feeding you
* They will play with their hands and then with yours
The Way they Speak
* Their tone and speed of conversation mirrors your own
* Lots of laughter and questioning tones
* In a group, you are singled out by this person for attention even in general conversation and questions. This happened to me in New York and I was taken aback how obvious it was.
The main thing to remember with flirting is that it is fun and so much more so when you are receptive to it and understand when it is happening to you. The best flirtatious moments will always take you by surprise.
So What is a Man Seeking?
First of all a man is seeking a love-interest. This may surprise many women but men like to love and they like being loved in return. The problem is that many women come across as impassioned and cold. It is not easy to find a loving woman and it is very noticeable how many men try and hang on when they think they have found their Miss Right.
Men are seeking a woman who is attractive to them. Women may despair that men can be so shallow and that looks could matter so much but be careful. Men aren't necessarily looking for a catwalk model and many men don't like women who weigh 80lbs. But men do want a woman who takes pride in their appearance (though not excessively). Men are proud of having a girlfriend who looks good and I don't believe any man who says otherwise.
Men are looking for a trustworthy girl, someone they can have faith in and someone who will be there for them. This may sound like an odd thing to say, but the fact is, some women are not trustworthy and many are not faithful either. So many in fact that men are increasingly wary. That kiss at a Christmas party may not count, or the flirtatious behavior with the gorgeous barman and in fact its all great fun and part of a woman's character. But reverse the situation and as a woman, you hate him doing the same. A man can never forgive a woman being unfaithful and so he is looking for someone who he really does trust.
Men want to make a home eventually and are looking for a woman who will be a willing sharer in home life. Women with a sociable lifestyle are attractive because they can be relied upon to keep the social diary running in a long term relationship.
Men are seeking women who are feminine gentle and kind because deep down the qualities that make a woman a great mother are an attraction in themselves. I am not suggesting that the man himself needs mothering, though some do, it is more the point that men seek the attributes in women that point to someone who would make a great mother to future offspring.
Men want women with a great sense of humor. Women often come across as uptight or too bothered by too many small details. You will sometimes hear mention of a girl who is 'one of the boys'. What this means is that she is able to fit in with their humor and is sociable and fun to be with. Such women are extremely attractive to many men. Men want to have a good time and relax when not working and so their ideal partners are women who are able to do the same.
Men are looking for women who retain their femininity and and are caring and kind. In recent years, aping men may be a female fashion statement, but it doesn't make them attractive. Whilst every woman in the world burps and farts and has the right to drink pints of beer, it doesn't necessarily attract them to the opposite sex. Women can get angry and say well men will just have to get used to it, but the issue is that they don't. They can just choose not to go for women who act in the same way as their drinking buddies.
Men want someone who is supportive. Many women are quick to criticize men in their behavior, career and set about trying to alter them and mould them. This is a crucial mistake. Men can be manipulated yes, but they see their partnerships as support systems. The best relationships work both ways in terms of support. Where a woman is not able or willing to give that support and is too quick to criticize then she may lose her man.
Men don't like angry women who shout. They want a woman who can debate and converse and is able to discuss. Communication is king. A fiery passionate temperament may have made you interesting and challenging on day one. But by day 500 it holds no glory whatsoever.
Men love a challenging woman, someone who keeps them on their toes. Men are generally lazy in relationships once they feel they're in secure territory. When a man is challenged so he does something about it. If you want to keep your man interested, keep him challenged.
Men are generally more reserved about sex than women. This is my experience is a fact. Men know what they like in bed and tend to stick to it. The adventurous sexual appetite in most men isn't there even if they are convinced it is. Men in reality are quite conservative. Sexually adventurous has nothing to do with having lots of partners and more to do with the things they will try with the same partner. In most test cases I have conducted, it is the man who looks for a quiet time in the bedroom and the woman who ultimately becomes bored.
Men want a woman who will commit to them. Though increasingly this is hard to find, it doesn't take away the wish. Men want a girlfriend who they can share with and trust and be open with. Commitment is not a one way street and therefore men are struggling to find the levels of commitment they found previously. But the need is still there.
Men don't want to be alone.
This column can easily fire a great debate and I may be accused of being completely wrong but that is the beauty of opinions. We all have them. The fact is, a modern man is seeking a reliable, sexy, single girl with whom he can have a long term relationship with. He wants to have fun, share his life and ultimately settle down. There are a few long term bachelors but not that many. The problem guys have is that the world has changed. They don't necessarily want to have children and settle down straight away, but it will come. They do seek self-respect even if they are not the primary breadwinner and they seek respect from their partner.
Whilst women become increasingly strong in their new roles in society, it is worth remembering that it takes, and always will take, two to tango.
Men are seeking a woman who is attractive to them. Women may despair that men can be so shallow and that looks could matter so much but be careful. Men aren't necessarily looking for a catwalk model and many men don't like women who weigh 80lbs. But men do want a woman who takes pride in their appearance (though not excessively). Men are proud of having a girlfriend who looks good and I don't believe any man who says otherwise.
Men are looking for a trustworthy girl, someone they can have faith in and someone who will be there for them. This may sound like an odd thing to say, but the fact is, some women are not trustworthy and many are not faithful either. So many in fact that men are increasingly wary. That kiss at a Christmas party may not count, or the flirtatious behavior with the gorgeous barman and in fact its all great fun and part of a woman's character. But reverse the situation and as a woman, you hate him doing the same. A man can never forgive a woman being unfaithful and so he is looking for someone who he really does trust.
Men want to make a home eventually and are looking for a woman who will be a willing sharer in home life. Women with a sociable lifestyle are attractive because they can be relied upon to keep the social diary running in a long term relationship.
Men are seeking women who are feminine gentle and kind because deep down the qualities that make a woman a great mother are an attraction in themselves. I am not suggesting that the man himself needs mothering, though some do, it is more the point that men seek the attributes in women that point to someone who would make a great mother to future offspring.
Men want women with a great sense of humor. Women often come across as uptight or too bothered by too many small details. You will sometimes hear mention of a girl who is 'one of the boys'. What this means is that she is able to fit in with their humor and is sociable and fun to be with. Such women are extremely attractive to many men. Men want to have a good time and relax when not working and so their ideal partners are women who are able to do the same.
Men are looking for women who retain their femininity and and are caring and kind. In recent years, aping men may be a female fashion statement, but it doesn't make them attractive. Whilst every woman in the world burps and farts and has the right to drink pints of beer, it doesn't necessarily attract them to the opposite sex. Women can get angry and say well men will just have to get used to it, but the issue is that they don't. They can just choose not to go for women who act in the same way as their drinking buddies.
Men want someone who is supportive. Many women are quick to criticize men in their behavior, career and set about trying to alter them and mould them. This is a crucial mistake. Men can be manipulated yes, but they see their partnerships as support systems. The best relationships work both ways in terms of support. Where a woman is not able or willing to give that support and is too quick to criticize then she may lose her man.
Men don't like angry women who shout. They want a woman who can debate and converse and is able to discuss. Communication is king. A fiery passionate temperament may have made you interesting and challenging on day one. But by day 500 it holds no glory whatsoever.
Men love a challenging woman, someone who keeps them on their toes. Men are generally lazy in relationships once they feel they're in secure territory. When a man is challenged so he does something about it. If you want to keep your man interested, keep him challenged.
Men are generally more reserved about sex than women. This is my experience is a fact. Men know what they like in bed and tend to stick to it. The adventurous sexual appetite in most men isn't there even if they are convinced it is. Men in reality are quite conservative. Sexually adventurous has nothing to do with having lots of partners and more to do with the things they will try with the same partner. In most test cases I have conducted, it is the man who looks for a quiet time in the bedroom and the woman who ultimately becomes bored.
Men want a woman who will commit to them. Though increasingly this is hard to find, it doesn't take away the wish. Men want a girlfriend who they can share with and trust and be open with. Commitment is not a one way street and therefore men are struggling to find the levels of commitment they found previously. But the need is still there.
Men don't want to be alone.
This column can easily fire a great debate and I may be accused of being completely wrong but that is the beauty of opinions. We all have them. The fact is, a modern man is seeking a reliable, sexy, single girl with whom he can have a long term relationship with. He wants to have fun, share his life and ultimately settle down. There are a few long term bachelors but not that many. The problem guys have is that the world has changed. They don't necessarily want to have children and settle down straight away, but it will come. They do seek self-respect even if they are not the primary breadwinner and they seek respect from their partner.
Whilst women become increasingly strong in their new roles in society, it is worth remembering that it takes, and always will take, two to tango.
Labels:
dating men,
dating tips for women
What Men Really Want In Modern Relationships
Women often tell me that men confuse them and that they are unsure what a man is really looking for. They have tried to please them in the past and it hasn't worked so no, the man can concentrate on pleasing them or leave. If the media is to be believed, many women don't care what a man is looking for anymore because they have been empowered by their own sexuality and are comfortable in their new role as sexually liberated career woman in charge of their own destiny. In which case, as long as the man wants them, that is fine.
It doesn't matter whether that view is actually true or not. What is true is that the modern man is increasingly struggling to find his place in the world. The Armed Forces and Space programs quite rightly have very highly qualified career women working in their departments and in most aspects of industry, women are excelling. The old male bastions are crumbling and with them their innate self respect as well as their understanding of how they should act and what they desire.
Any woman reading this may say well it's a problem for men and they should deal with it. Absolutely I can reply, but you cannot expect miracles instantly. Generations of history dictating a man's role and function cannot be decided and altered in the space of 20 years without some fallout. Few can argue against the excitement felt by women as their empowerment continues but at the same time, one must expect issues to coincide with this. And one of those as I said is the question of understanding what the modern man is looking for.
Men have started to evolve and are starting to grasp the fact that their role may not be as it once was. 'Starting' is the operative word because this does not mean that there aren't large swathes of the world where men insist on being the breadwinner and women should still remain at home rearing children. It is going to take a long time to change the world. However in our western cities a change is in full swing. Men know that to find a mate they are going to have to work harder than ever before and they are aware that women call the shots far more than ever before. But this doesn't essentially change what a man is looking for.
It doesn't matter whether that view is actually true or not. What is true is that the modern man is increasingly struggling to find his place in the world. The Armed Forces and Space programs quite rightly have very highly qualified career women working in their departments and in most aspects of industry, women are excelling. The old male bastions are crumbling and with them their innate self respect as well as their understanding of how they should act and what they desire.
Any woman reading this may say well it's a problem for men and they should deal with it. Absolutely I can reply, but you cannot expect miracles instantly. Generations of history dictating a man's role and function cannot be decided and altered in the space of 20 years without some fallout. Few can argue against the excitement felt by women as their empowerment continues but at the same time, one must expect issues to coincide with this. And one of those as I said is the question of understanding what the modern man is looking for.
Men have started to evolve and are starting to grasp the fact that their role may not be as it once was. 'Starting' is the operative word because this does not mean that there aren't large swathes of the world where men insist on being the breadwinner and women should still remain at home rearing children. It is going to take a long time to change the world. However in our western cities a change is in full swing. Men know that to find a mate they are going to have to work harder than ever before and they are aware that women call the shots far more than ever before. But this doesn't essentially change what a man is looking for.
Labels:
dating men,
dating tips for women
Does Mr. Right exist? Will I find him?
Does Mr. Right exist? Is he out there somewhere? Will I find him?
Mr. Right is a key subject for many women and an inspiration of hope on a daily basis. Yes he may well exist, yes he is probably out there and yes you WILL find him! Of course in all our lives we have goals, aims, ambitions and desires small and large. It is these landmarks and goalposts that keep us positive and busy. It is what makes us human. In recent years the terms Mr. Right and Miss Right have become over used and devalued. Almost as if we have a chart on our wall , an extensive tick list, a resume of specifics that the person in question must submit to get his foot through the door of the "potentials" interview.
Most of us would deny we are that bad and hope that chance will take a hand in bringing Mr. Right to us. Yes we accept that we have a small but insignificant "list" and yes we accept that there are some 'definites' on it which are nonnegotiable, but they are fairly minor. Or are they? The fact of the matter is that as the decades have passed by, we have become far more sophisticated, as humans, as individuals, as lovers and mates. We know how to orgasm, we have a good salary and a nice home and are well educated in the ways of the world. Therefore it is only fair that we seek someone to match, to fit in, to adapt, to accompany, to facilitate. And there lays the issue.
The fact is that Mr. Right also has a tick list, an agenda, only a small one of course, but a list all the same, and he is ticking off your assets as we speak. He wants someone young, someone well educated, someone good looking and in shape. We are indignant, how shallow we cry. Typical man we sigh. Yet are we any better? Look at your list and look very carefully at what or who constitutes your Mr. Right. And then look again. Are you sure first of all that your tick list is achievable? Yes, or are you willing to negotiate? Okay so you are happy with your list. Then what?
Well now, are you willing to go out and get your Mr. Right or are you waiting for him to come to you? Many women tell me they are waiting for Mr. Right. The word "waiting" concerns me. By waiting it means men come to you by chance, perhaps by design and you tick off their assets, your check them out and then cast off anyone who doesn't match your list. Maybe you do, but remember this my friends, Mr. Right is looking for his Miss Right? How much work have you put into being Miss Right or should he accept you as you are and fit in around you? If he did slot in to your life would he really be Mr. Right or an accouterment, an asset, a trinket that you would get bored of?
The thing I am asked by eligible men more than anything these days is, "where have all the nice girls gone". Think about those words carefully. These men are not asking where the doormats went, the punch bags, the housewife slaves. Not at all. No what they are asking is where all the women went who don't have a huge checklist as long as their admittedly muscular arms. Most men simply want someone to love, someone who they can dote on in their own ways and who they can feel special and share with. The problem for them is that they are not finding it because they are constantly under 'resume-pressure'. They are told they must adapt and fit in, they are trying to fulfill their part of the list bargain and then they are faced with the Miss Rights out there.
As a potential Miss Right you owe it to yourself to complete a few tasks. Take a long hard look at your list and ask yourself exactly how flexible you are being. Secondly look at who your Mr. Right is and how truthfully obtainable they are. Thirdly, don't kid yourself about your own potentials but don't compromise on ideals either. Fourthly, bring yourself out into the open and go after your Mr. Right.
Don't play the waiting game because you do not want to spend the rest of your life knowing your Mr. Perfect is married to someone else when he could have been yours. And finally, compromise is the key in reality, for all the things Mr. right must be, try and balance that with attempting to be something your Mr. Right doesn't want to miss.
Mr. Right is a key subject for many women and an inspiration of hope on a daily basis. Yes he may well exist, yes he is probably out there and yes you WILL find him! Of course in all our lives we have goals, aims, ambitions and desires small and large. It is these landmarks and goalposts that keep us positive and busy. It is what makes us human. In recent years the terms Mr. Right and Miss Right have become over used and devalued. Almost as if we have a chart on our wall , an extensive tick list, a resume of specifics that the person in question must submit to get his foot through the door of the "potentials" interview.
Most of us would deny we are that bad and hope that chance will take a hand in bringing Mr. Right to us. Yes we accept that we have a small but insignificant "list" and yes we accept that there are some 'definites' on it which are nonnegotiable, but they are fairly minor. Or are they? The fact of the matter is that as the decades have passed by, we have become far more sophisticated, as humans, as individuals, as lovers and mates. We know how to orgasm, we have a good salary and a nice home and are well educated in the ways of the world. Therefore it is only fair that we seek someone to match, to fit in, to adapt, to accompany, to facilitate. And there lays the issue.
The fact is that Mr. Right also has a tick list, an agenda, only a small one of course, but a list all the same, and he is ticking off your assets as we speak. He wants someone young, someone well educated, someone good looking and in shape. We are indignant, how shallow we cry. Typical man we sigh. Yet are we any better? Look at your list and look very carefully at what or who constitutes your Mr. Right. And then look again. Are you sure first of all that your tick list is achievable? Yes, or are you willing to negotiate? Okay so you are happy with your list. Then what?
Well now, are you willing to go out and get your Mr. Right or are you waiting for him to come to you? Many women tell me they are waiting for Mr. Right. The word "waiting" concerns me. By waiting it means men come to you by chance, perhaps by design and you tick off their assets, your check them out and then cast off anyone who doesn't match your list. Maybe you do, but remember this my friends, Mr. Right is looking for his Miss Right? How much work have you put into being Miss Right or should he accept you as you are and fit in around you? If he did slot in to your life would he really be Mr. Right or an accouterment, an asset, a trinket that you would get bored of?
The thing I am asked by eligible men more than anything these days is, "where have all the nice girls gone". Think about those words carefully. These men are not asking where the doormats went, the punch bags, the housewife slaves. Not at all. No what they are asking is where all the women went who don't have a huge checklist as long as their admittedly muscular arms. Most men simply want someone to love, someone who they can dote on in their own ways and who they can feel special and share with. The problem for them is that they are not finding it because they are constantly under 'resume-pressure'. They are told they must adapt and fit in, they are trying to fulfill their part of the list bargain and then they are faced with the Miss Rights out there.
As a potential Miss Right you owe it to yourself to complete a few tasks. Take a long hard look at your list and ask yourself exactly how flexible you are being. Secondly look at who your Mr. Right is and how truthfully obtainable they are. Thirdly, don't kid yourself about your own potentials but don't compromise on ideals either. Fourthly, bring yourself out into the open and go after your Mr. Right.
Don't play the waiting game because you do not want to spend the rest of your life knowing your Mr. Perfect is married to someone else when he could have been yours. And finally, compromise is the key in reality, for all the things Mr. right must be, try and balance that with attempting to be something your Mr. Right doesn't want to miss.
Labels:
dating men,
dating tips for women
The Beach: Style Tips For Beach Dating Success
When summer looms, it's time to take stock guys. You are going to have to go to the beach at some stage, and even worse you are going to have to take your shirt off, unless you want to look like you are concealing something. If you want to meet girls on the sand then the very first thing you must do is GO TO THE GYM. I cannot say this more clearly, sort your body out. If you begin in April, 3 months of training will lead you into a confident packed July. Certainly you will feel a great deal better about yourself anyway as I know miracles don't happen over night.
Then I have to mention body hair. Whilst amassing body hair as one gets older may be nature's way of keeping us warm, a huge mountain of hair over your shoulders and back simply will not do. Women generally don't find to attractive so lose it. Where do you lose it? Straight down to the waxing salon my friend. It may hurt, but only once every six weeks and girls have their legs waxed all the time so pull your self together. Gyms often have an area that caters for waxing and if all else fails get your mom or sister (perhaps not your father!) to do it with a home waxing kit. It will take a few minutes and make a huge difference to your desirability factor.
Okay so once your body and hair cover are in good shape also consider a tanning salon for 3 sessions if you are pale. Going on the beach and being seen from outer space is not cool and neither do you want to waste a week or two of meeting time getting a tan. Get to a tanning center and a few sessions will ready the skin pigments for more rapid tanning (so I am told so don't sue me!).
So, now that you are primed lets get down to the beach and meet some sexy babes:
First of all, the beach is often full of girls and they are often as bored as everyone else. We can pretend that the beach is a fascinating place and it is when we are looking at people we fancy but just laying in the sand for 10 hour stretches isn't interesting in itself. Though it is a good place for a sleep. No, my friend, girls are waiting for you to stroll past and entertain them, even if it's only at third hand.
The first thing to point out is that the beach is generally a relaxed place full of chilled-out people who are half-dazed, half-hungover, half-blinded by sunlight and half-asleep. So to make an impression you are going to have to do some approaching to make things happen. Now the first thing to point out is that ogling the bathing beauties isn't going to get you anywhere. For heaven's sake man haven't you seen breasts before?
Let us be clear, a girl in a bikini is displaying her body. She may not fancy you and she may be after a good tan, but she is attractive and attracting all the same. So what you have to do is not smile, or leer or letch, you have to go and make nice direct conversation. Don't walk past and simply say "Hi there", you have to go for a chat and make nice general conversation whilst listening carefully for everything she has to say to pick up on any clues about her availability and interest. Oh and by the way - if you are holding your stomach in and breathing shallow, she already knows you are looking like and idiot. And if you are more worried about your all over tan than she is about hers, forget it.
So it is time to take action. Spot a girl you like who is as clearly available and single as you can gather and then go over for some light conversation and you will need to inject it with some good humor and intelligent observation. If she has a friend you may go over with your mate in tow too but that can be a recipe for disaster because if her friend doesn't like your friend, their discomfort will lead to her friend dragging your beach babe away. Sadly, as many guys know, a beach babe is often accompanied by a beached whale.
So go it alone. Go for a chat with your sun-creamed damsel and be witty and charming. Do not lay on her sun lounger and take over, offer to get her and her friend a cold drink whilst you are there. Let them stay where they are, don't invite them immediately to joining your 50 other male friends unless they really seem keen to do so. The fact is, you may well dazzle the girl with your pecs and abs but you are still going to have to use some dynamic conversation to get her laughing. Make your initial contact fairly brief but enough to stir her interest. Then initially retreat to play games with your mates in the surf whilst she looks on and discusses your potential with her friends. Later, it will be time for a longer visit for better conversation.
When you go to the beach, guys, forget the ever-so-brief Speedos. Apart from the fact that you will put almost every single girl on the beach off you due to you not leaving anything to the imagination, your packed-lunch needs to retain an air of mystery as this stage. So put it away and leave the Speedo thongs at home. When you are an Olympic swimmer you can put them on again. Get your surf shorts on (preferably a stylish make) and let them flab in the breeze. Surf dudes are cool for very good reasons. By the same token, any form of colored sun block across the cheek bones should be lost. You will look like an idiot.
As for sunglasses, you may usually look like Bono from U2 with your fly-like shades but not here, my boy. Instead get yourself to the mall or surf shop and buy some cool shades that don't have red neon lenses with fractal mirror effects so the girls thing you are a loser. No, if I can sum up this paragraph, it's stylish, stylish, stylish! You may think well it's the beach, this doesn't matter. But girls notice everything and that includes you so unless you wish to remain single, take heed of what I am telling you.
So, you are in shape, you are dressed well, you are subtle and you are confident about making opening conversation. There are things that you can bring to the beach that may help you in your beach babe quest. Consider these without looking like you are building Everest base camp:
* Drinks Cooler - Perfect for your beers and the offer of a refreshment for the girls. The perfect opener.
* Sun Cream - With that tanned hairless back, you now need someone to rub cream in, so use one of the oldest lines in the book to its greatest effect. "Hi, do you think you could assist me by rubbing some oil on my back". You will rarely get refused if you select carefully.
* Ball - The simplest round device can end up uniting a whole section of beach in a volleyball tournament or football match. They are useful even just to throw in the surf, though I once did use a coconut in Malaysia (very heavy when full of water!). Basically, always be armed with whatever toys can entertain. The exception is water pistols. Girls do not like being splashed with water so forget it.
* Radio, CD Player - Good and bad. You want to bring music to entertain the troops but you do not want to play music wars with every other beat box on the beach. By the same token you also do not want to ram your musical tastes down the throat of everyone within half a musical mile. So work on the subtleties of having a radio to attract, because it can. Do NOT lay about with a personal stereo on as you will remain single (and deaf) forever.
* Boogie Boards - Go to the stall near the beach and buy a minimum of two of these foam-fantastics. These are those things like you used to learn to swim with but now jazzed up to roll about with in the surf for a spot of belly surfing. If you have a collection then hand them out to the lovelies you like and invite them in with you. Girls are rarely offered this kind of opportunity so take the initiative. Now.
* Beach Towels or Rug - this means something to lie on to build your base camp. Anything will do except the 6 feet versions with imprinted pictures of naked blondes. Once again, your mates may love it, but the girls will think you're an idiot. Style, style , style fellas!
Do NOT ever bring a deck chair or lounger with you onto the beach. You are supposed to be a man. You should be swimming and playing sports mainly and if not you should be chatting to the girls you like. Wearing mirror shades may be fun for girl spotting but to all the women on the beach you will be classed as a pervert and ignored so lose them. Any invasion on the beach of a video camera is also useful in displaying you as a perverted voyeur so lose that as well. Girls will immediately think that you will be posting the footage a few hours later onto a seedy site on the web. If you can't wear it or put it in your mouth, it's unnecessary.
Whatever you do, ensure that you include the girls you are interested in, in sports and activities on the beach. It is always nice to be included and just because she looks like a mermaid or bikini goddess doesn't mean she prefers to sleep all day. If she can laze about on your surf board in the shallows or play ball in the waves, then make the offer. After all, she can always smile and say no. And what's the problem with that?
Then I have to mention body hair. Whilst amassing body hair as one gets older may be nature's way of keeping us warm, a huge mountain of hair over your shoulders and back simply will not do. Women generally don't find to attractive so lose it. Where do you lose it? Straight down to the waxing salon my friend. It may hurt, but only once every six weeks and girls have their legs waxed all the time so pull your self together. Gyms often have an area that caters for waxing and if all else fails get your mom or sister (perhaps not your father!) to do it with a home waxing kit. It will take a few minutes and make a huge difference to your desirability factor.
Okay so once your body and hair cover are in good shape also consider a tanning salon for 3 sessions if you are pale. Going on the beach and being seen from outer space is not cool and neither do you want to waste a week or two of meeting time getting a tan. Get to a tanning center and a few sessions will ready the skin pigments for more rapid tanning (so I am told so don't sue me!).
So, now that you are primed lets get down to the beach and meet some sexy babes:
First of all, the beach is often full of girls and they are often as bored as everyone else. We can pretend that the beach is a fascinating place and it is when we are looking at people we fancy but just laying in the sand for 10 hour stretches isn't interesting in itself. Though it is a good place for a sleep. No, my friend, girls are waiting for you to stroll past and entertain them, even if it's only at third hand.
The first thing to point out is that the beach is generally a relaxed place full of chilled-out people who are half-dazed, half-hungover, half-blinded by sunlight and half-asleep. So to make an impression you are going to have to do some approaching to make things happen. Now the first thing to point out is that ogling the bathing beauties isn't going to get you anywhere. For heaven's sake man haven't you seen breasts before?
Let us be clear, a girl in a bikini is displaying her body. She may not fancy you and she may be after a good tan, but she is attractive and attracting all the same. So what you have to do is not smile, or leer or letch, you have to go and make nice direct conversation. Don't walk past and simply say "Hi there", you have to go for a chat and make nice general conversation whilst listening carefully for everything she has to say to pick up on any clues about her availability and interest. Oh and by the way - if you are holding your stomach in and breathing shallow, she already knows you are looking like and idiot. And if you are more worried about your all over tan than she is about hers, forget it.
So it is time to take action. Spot a girl you like who is as clearly available and single as you can gather and then go over for some light conversation and you will need to inject it with some good humor and intelligent observation. If she has a friend you may go over with your mate in tow too but that can be a recipe for disaster because if her friend doesn't like your friend, their discomfort will lead to her friend dragging your beach babe away. Sadly, as many guys know, a beach babe is often accompanied by a beached whale.
So go it alone. Go for a chat with your sun-creamed damsel and be witty and charming. Do not lay on her sun lounger and take over, offer to get her and her friend a cold drink whilst you are there. Let them stay where they are, don't invite them immediately to joining your 50 other male friends unless they really seem keen to do so. The fact is, you may well dazzle the girl with your pecs and abs but you are still going to have to use some dynamic conversation to get her laughing. Make your initial contact fairly brief but enough to stir her interest. Then initially retreat to play games with your mates in the surf whilst she looks on and discusses your potential with her friends. Later, it will be time for a longer visit for better conversation.
When you go to the beach, guys, forget the ever-so-brief Speedos. Apart from the fact that you will put almost every single girl on the beach off you due to you not leaving anything to the imagination, your packed-lunch needs to retain an air of mystery as this stage. So put it away and leave the Speedo thongs at home. When you are an Olympic swimmer you can put them on again. Get your surf shorts on (preferably a stylish make) and let them flab in the breeze. Surf dudes are cool for very good reasons. By the same token, any form of colored sun block across the cheek bones should be lost. You will look like an idiot.
As for sunglasses, you may usually look like Bono from U2 with your fly-like shades but not here, my boy. Instead get yourself to the mall or surf shop and buy some cool shades that don't have red neon lenses with fractal mirror effects so the girls thing you are a loser. No, if I can sum up this paragraph, it's stylish, stylish, stylish! You may think well it's the beach, this doesn't matter. But girls notice everything and that includes you so unless you wish to remain single, take heed of what I am telling you.
So, you are in shape, you are dressed well, you are subtle and you are confident about making opening conversation. There are things that you can bring to the beach that may help you in your beach babe quest. Consider these without looking like you are building Everest base camp:
* Drinks Cooler - Perfect for your beers and the offer of a refreshment for the girls. The perfect opener.
* Sun Cream - With that tanned hairless back, you now need someone to rub cream in, so use one of the oldest lines in the book to its greatest effect. "Hi, do you think you could assist me by rubbing some oil on my back". You will rarely get refused if you select carefully.
* Ball - The simplest round device can end up uniting a whole section of beach in a volleyball tournament or football match. They are useful even just to throw in the surf, though I once did use a coconut in Malaysia (very heavy when full of water!). Basically, always be armed with whatever toys can entertain. The exception is water pistols. Girls do not like being splashed with water so forget it.
* Radio, CD Player - Good and bad. You want to bring music to entertain the troops but you do not want to play music wars with every other beat box on the beach. By the same token you also do not want to ram your musical tastes down the throat of everyone within half a musical mile. So work on the subtleties of having a radio to attract, because it can. Do NOT lay about with a personal stereo on as you will remain single (and deaf) forever.
* Boogie Boards - Go to the stall near the beach and buy a minimum of two of these foam-fantastics. These are those things like you used to learn to swim with but now jazzed up to roll about with in the surf for a spot of belly surfing. If you have a collection then hand them out to the lovelies you like and invite them in with you. Girls are rarely offered this kind of opportunity so take the initiative. Now.
* Beach Towels or Rug - this means something to lie on to build your base camp. Anything will do except the 6 feet versions with imprinted pictures of naked blondes. Once again, your mates may love it, but the girls will think you're an idiot. Style, style , style fellas!
Do NOT ever bring a deck chair or lounger with you onto the beach. You are supposed to be a man. You should be swimming and playing sports mainly and if not you should be chatting to the girls you like. Wearing mirror shades may be fun for girl spotting but to all the women on the beach you will be classed as a pervert and ignored so lose them. Any invasion on the beach of a video camera is also useful in displaying you as a perverted voyeur so lose that as well. Girls will immediately think that you will be posting the footage a few hours later onto a seedy site on the web. If you can't wear it or put it in your mouth, it's unnecessary.
Whatever you do, ensure that you include the girls you are interested in, in sports and activities on the beach. It is always nice to be included and just because she looks like a mermaid or bikini goddess doesn't mean she prefers to sleep all day. If she can laze about on your surf board in the shallows or play ball in the waves, then make the offer. After all, she can always smile and say no. And what's the problem with that?
How to Ask Someone Out: Get the Timing Right
When dating successfully, getting your timing right is one of the single most important factors. Timing in respect to the best time to ask a girl out, with respect to what night to ask her out first and even with respect to when in your lives you actually meet at all.
Looking back on my life so far I realize that when relationships didn't work out, it wasn't because the girls I dated were wrong for me. Most often it was because we simply met at the wrong time in our lives. To meet a great girl who wants to get married to you when you are aged 22 may just be wrong timing. Meeting a fantastic lady when you are working abroad or on a short contract in a different location may be bad timing and meeting someone who wants children when you are not yet ready is again bad timing. It cannot be helped and often it is a sad truth in life. The people we would have matured with best are often the ones we encountered just at the wrong moment in time. One cannot go back and one cannot rekindle something lost in time, so we have to accept that bad timing does happen with all of us.
The next time we face timing issues is when asking a girl out at just the wrong moment. We are attracted to someone and take the initiative or opportunity, only to discover that she got married three weeks earlier, or that she has just broken up with someone and is not yet ready for a new relationship. Maybe there has been a family crisis and the girl you are interested in is not predisposed for a romantic encounter. Three times in my life I have met great girls just as they (or I) were relocating to a new city! On top of this if you add illness and many other factors, there are plenty of opportunities for getting your timing wrong and invariably this is not your fault. Just a fact of life.
If someone accepts your proposal of a date then you can control the timing somewhat better. Your basic instinct is to go for a weekend because you won't need to go to work the following day and so can stay out later. Often there are more social events to go to at a weekend and more restaurants open and with better atmosphere. Clubs, bars and discos are all far more attractive at a weekend and offer many more possibilities of dating. Yet this may be a good example of bad timing.
When dating you may want to think about the attractiveness of a week night which can work to your benefit. Weekends are often the only real free time people have got and many now plan their weekends well in advance. I do not like being diarized but again it is a fact of life in the early stages of dating. However a week next Saturday for a date takes away some of the glamour I admit. Weekdays are fairly dull affairs in comparison and many are taken up with hobbies or simply commuting. They are also far less formal than a weekend and a first date on a weeknight can be seen as far more relaxed and informal.
Also, week nights are not late night affairs and an unsuccessful date can be gently brought to an end. So dinner after work may be a good thing after all. Also bear in mind that week nights can be dull and so a sparkling evening with you will do you and them no harm at all. In fact you are not competing with some other glamorous event the girl could have attended instead of being with you, so you are far less likely to face that troublesome contrast. Dating midweek also opens up the possibilities of more dates in a shorter amount of time and successful dates can quickly become longer prolonged weekend dates shortly afterwards.
You can do a great deal to help yourself with disappointment when a girl says no to you. Be flexible in your arrangements. Always offer a girl a choice of dates and locations and understand when she has reasons for doing other things. All too often when someone says no you automatically assume you are being given an excuse and that the truth lies elsewhere. You assume too much. Let her know that you are interested in her and that when things are better for her in her diary , that you can make some arrangements. Always stress that you are busy too and this will add to your overall appeal. Remember that you too must never be too available otherwise it comes across that you are uninteresting, or even worse, desperate. We have all heard the fabled excuse "I can't, I'm washing my hair tonight." That could be true.
On the other hand, lame excuses are just that, lame. They are mean to warn you off and persistence may be a good trait but it doesn't often win the girl. Interest factor is at play there and when a woman makes to many lame excuses it shows her interest factor is low. If she was very interested, believe me she will move heaven and earth to meet you. Therefore it is essential that you get your timing right and ask a girl out when there is the greatest chance she will say yes. That does not mean you should prey on her when she is at her lowest ebb. When a girl says no and means it, you will know it. Coming on to her after that and you become a menace so simply move in. It is a numbers game my friend.
If you are in a nightclub, timing again plays its part. Asking a girl to dance when she has just met up with a huge group of friends will receive a negative response even if she likes the look of you. On the other hand, intercepting her at the bar whilst her friend is in the bathroom may well prove perfect. Try reading the signals of the situation in a positive way. Asking a girl to dance at 1am as the club is about to play the last song will usually get you nowhere unless both she and you are desperate. And what basis is that or successful dating?
So, whilst being flexible and semi available, know your subject in advance and work out when she is most likely to be available if possible. If your timing is right, you could easily get lots of positive responses that will lead on to something more special. Not taking timing into account can have the opposite and most disheartening effect.
* Understand when a woman has good reason to say no
* Be flexible and offer an alternative when asking - are you free Thursday or Friday?
* Don't fight her excuses if she says no -move on
* Always sound busy yourself
* Accept that some people you will meet at the wrong time
* Choose a weeknight for the first date
* Chhose the right moment to apprach a date in a bar of nightclub
* Never be scared of asking. The more you ask the more confident you will be
* Try not to ask her out in the middle of a big group, choose your moment carefully for maximum effect
* Don't get annoyed if she says no. Smile!
* Try and know as much about your date's circumstances in advance only if she is known to you already
* Work out the best moments to ask someone out
* Don't ask her out when she is clearly busy or stressed or unhappy or not well
Looking back on my life so far I realize that when relationships didn't work out, it wasn't because the girls I dated were wrong for me. Most often it was because we simply met at the wrong time in our lives. To meet a great girl who wants to get married to you when you are aged 22 may just be wrong timing. Meeting a fantastic lady when you are working abroad or on a short contract in a different location may be bad timing and meeting someone who wants children when you are not yet ready is again bad timing. It cannot be helped and often it is a sad truth in life. The people we would have matured with best are often the ones we encountered just at the wrong moment in time. One cannot go back and one cannot rekindle something lost in time, so we have to accept that bad timing does happen with all of us.
The next time we face timing issues is when asking a girl out at just the wrong moment. We are attracted to someone and take the initiative or opportunity, only to discover that she got married three weeks earlier, or that she has just broken up with someone and is not yet ready for a new relationship. Maybe there has been a family crisis and the girl you are interested in is not predisposed for a romantic encounter. Three times in my life I have met great girls just as they (or I) were relocating to a new city! On top of this if you add illness and many other factors, there are plenty of opportunities for getting your timing wrong and invariably this is not your fault. Just a fact of life.
If someone accepts your proposal of a date then you can control the timing somewhat better. Your basic instinct is to go for a weekend because you won't need to go to work the following day and so can stay out later. Often there are more social events to go to at a weekend and more restaurants open and with better atmosphere. Clubs, bars and discos are all far more attractive at a weekend and offer many more possibilities of dating. Yet this may be a good example of bad timing.
When dating you may want to think about the attractiveness of a week night which can work to your benefit. Weekends are often the only real free time people have got and many now plan their weekends well in advance. I do not like being diarized but again it is a fact of life in the early stages of dating. However a week next Saturday for a date takes away some of the glamour I admit. Weekdays are fairly dull affairs in comparison and many are taken up with hobbies or simply commuting. They are also far less formal than a weekend and a first date on a weeknight can be seen as far more relaxed and informal.
Also, week nights are not late night affairs and an unsuccessful date can be gently brought to an end. So dinner after work may be a good thing after all. Also bear in mind that week nights can be dull and so a sparkling evening with you will do you and them no harm at all. In fact you are not competing with some other glamorous event the girl could have attended instead of being with you, so you are far less likely to face that troublesome contrast. Dating midweek also opens up the possibilities of more dates in a shorter amount of time and successful dates can quickly become longer prolonged weekend dates shortly afterwards.
You can do a great deal to help yourself with disappointment when a girl says no to you. Be flexible in your arrangements. Always offer a girl a choice of dates and locations and understand when she has reasons for doing other things. All too often when someone says no you automatically assume you are being given an excuse and that the truth lies elsewhere. You assume too much. Let her know that you are interested in her and that when things are better for her in her diary , that you can make some arrangements. Always stress that you are busy too and this will add to your overall appeal. Remember that you too must never be too available otherwise it comes across that you are uninteresting, or even worse, desperate. We have all heard the fabled excuse "I can't, I'm washing my hair tonight." That could be true.
On the other hand, lame excuses are just that, lame. They are mean to warn you off and persistence may be a good trait but it doesn't often win the girl. Interest factor is at play there and when a woman makes to many lame excuses it shows her interest factor is low. If she was very interested, believe me she will move heaven and earth to meet you. Therefore it is essential that you get your timing right and ask a girl out when there is the greatest chance she will say yes. That does not mean you should prey on her when she is at her lowest ebb. When a girl says no and means it, you will know it. Coming on to her after that and you become a menace so simply move in. It is a numbers game my friend.
If you are in a nightclub, timing again plays its part. Asking a girl to dance when she has just met up with a huge group of friends will receive a negative response even if she likes the look of you. On the other hand, intercepting her at the bar whilst her friend is in the bathroom may well prove perfect. Try reading the signals of the situation in a positive way. Asking a girl to dance at 1am as the club is about to play the last song will usually get you nowhere unless both she and you are desperate. And what basis is that or successful dating?
So, whilst being flexible and semi available, know your subject in advance and work out when she is most likely to be available if possible. If your timing is right, you could easily get lots of positive responses that will lead on to something more special. Not taking timing into account can have the opposite and most disheartening effect.
* Understand when a woman has good reason to say no
* Be flexible and offer an alternative when asking - are you free Thursday or Friday?
* Don't fight her excuses if she says no -move on
* Always sound busy yourself
* Accept that some people you will meet at the wrong time
* Choose a weeknight for the first date
* Chhose the right moment to apprach a date in a bar of nightclub
* Never be scared of asking. The more you ask the more confident you will be
* Try not to ask her out in the middle of a big group, choose your moment carefully for maximum effect
* Don't get annoyed if she says no. Smile!
* Try and know as much about your date's circumstances in advance only if she is known to you already
* Work out the best moments to ask someone out
* Don't ask her out when she is clearly busy or stressed or unhappy or not well
Labels:
dating tips for men,
dating women
Using Body Language When Dating Men
This is the language where you don't need any words. Women have been doing it for hundreds of years - to attract the man they want. Becoming fluent in body language will ensure that you will be skilled in attracting the right man, and sending the get-lost signal to the wrong man.
Eyeing Up the Prize
The more eye contact you establish with the target, the better. Start with some sidelong glances. Then, begin with direct eye contact. Once he turns to meet your gaze, immediately lower your eyes and smile to yourself, this will tell him that you were watching him and are embarrassed that he caught you - a sure sign of interest. Next, be bold and try holding his stare, flashing a small, open-lipped smile.
If there is a man that is giving you the eye and you are not interested, look away from him and don`t look back at him again. When in conversation, looking at the ceiling and all around the room, also shows a definite lack of interest.
First Impressions Count
You leave your home ready to go to a party when you spot your gorgeous neighbor, and he doesn't give you a second glance. Why? Because you aren't dressed your best. When you enter a room, most people look to see who has come in. This is when you have to make an impression. Looking your best will make you feel your best. So make sure that before you leave your front door, look your best, and you never know you might just attract the attention of that gorgeous neighbor.
The Hand Job (no, not what you are thinking!)
Even without direct contact, your hands can send very powerful messages. There are a number of ways to convey that you want to get to know someone. Keeping your hands unclenched shows you're open to him. Using your hands to caress objects, such as the rim of your glass, locks of your hair, or the sleeve of your blouse, in a rhythmic (as opposed to fidgety) manner, can be a sensual act. And for the braver hands, try picking fluff off his jacket, touching him to punctuate a point, or using the "accidental touch" when reaching for the salt.
Hands that are jammed in pockets, busy cleaning glasses, or balled in tight fists are all bad signs. Fingers tapping, drumming, pointing, or wagging are also signals to move on.
Stand Out
Your posture is one of the most telling signals you transmit. An open posture is evidence of an open person. Turning your body toward the man you're conversing with, keeping your feet flat on the floor and leaning forward are actions that show interest. As well, slightly tilting your head, crossing and uncrossing your legs, and thrusting your chest forward give the message that you are interested.
As for ways to send a man packing, crossing your arms, holding a drink high in front of you, turning your body away or resting your feet on their toes will tell a person you are not interested.
A Few Extra Tips
Hopefully by now, you have an attack plan and a clear idea of when it's time to get down and dirty, or when you're best just to wave the white flag. Here are just a few more tips when trying to perfect your body language skills:
1. You'll know things are going really well when you begin "mirroring" one another's body language and gestures.
2. Don`t tease him by offering more than you plan to follow through. This can lead to very ugly circumstances.
3. Chain smoking, being extremely intoxicated, or having eyes only for your plate of food will not put you in the best standing for the body language game.
4. If you try your hand at it, and he's not responding, abort the mission immediately.…
5. Following him around all night will only serve in making you look needy and desperate.
Eyeing Up the Prize
The more eye contact you establish with the target, the better. Start with some sidelong glances. Then, begin with direct eye contact. Once he turns to meet your gaze, immediately lower your eyes and smile to yourself, this will tell him that you were watching him and are embarrassed that he caught you - a sure sign of interest. Next, be bold and try holding his stare, flashing a small, open-lipped smile.
If there is a man that is giving you the eye and you are not interested, look away from him and don`t look back at him again. When in conversation, looking at the ceiling and all around the room, also shows a definite lack of interest.
First Impressions Count
You leave your home ready to go to a party when you spot your gorgeous neighbor, and he doesn't give you a second glance. Why? Because you aren't dressed your best. When you enter a room, most people look to see who has come in. This is when you have to make an impression. Looking your best will make you feel your best. So make sure that before you leave your front door, look your best, and you never know you might just attract the attention of that gorgeous neighbor.
The Hand Job (no, not what you are thinking!)
Even without direct contact, your hands can send very powerful messages. There are a number of ways to convey that you want to get to know someone. Keeping your hands unclenched shows you're open to him. Using your hands to caress objects, such as the rim of your glass, locks of your hair, or the sleeve of your blouse, in a rhythmic (as opposed to fidgety) manner, can be a sensual act. And for the braver hands, try picking fluff off his jacket, touching him to punctuate a point, or using the "accidental touch" when reaching for the salt.
Hands that are jammed in pockets, busy cleaning glasses, or balled in tight fists are all bad signs. Fingers tapping, drumming, pointing, or wagging are also signals to move on.
Stand Out
Your posture is one of the most telling signals you transmit. An open posture is evidence of an open person. Turning your body toward the man you're conversing with, keeping your feet flat on the floor and leaning forward are actions that show interest. As well, slightly tilting your head, crossing and uncrossing your legs, and thrusting your chest forward give the message that you are interested.
As for ways to send a man packing, crossing your arms, holding a drink high in front of you, turning your body away or resting your feet on their toes will tell a person you are not interested.
A Few Extra Tips
Hopefully by now, you have an attack plan and a clear idea of when it's time to get down and dirty, or when you're best just to wave the white flag. Here are just a few more tips when trying to perfect your body language skills:
1. You'll know things are going really well when you begin "mirroring" one another's body language and gestures.
2. Don`t tease him by offering more than you plan to follow through. This can lead to very ugly circumstances.
3. Chain smoking, being extremely intoxicated, or having eyes only for your plate of food will not put you in the best standing for the body language game.
4. If you try your hand at it, and he's not responding, abort the mission immediately.…
5. Following him around all night will only serve in making you look needy and desperate.
Labels:
dating men,
dating tips for women
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